Eye and Heart Surgery

When I was in my very early twenties, married and already a parent, I decided to read the entire Bible from beginning to end. To take scripture reading much more seriously.  As I read through the Old Testament and the journey of the Israelites I found myself becoming quite frustrated with them. Wow they really didn’t get it!!  They had God right there with them and what did they do over and over? They whined, they complained, they doubted, they made fear based decisions, they were selfish and seemed to forget what God had already done. Thank you God that I am not an Israelite.

Then life happened. Certain circumstances beyond my control and some of my own doing. I whined, I complained, I doubted, I made fear based decisions. I was selfish and distracted and I seemed to forget what God had already done.  Then a light bulb went on. A new lens. Oh God I am no different than the Israelites! In fact I am worse because I judged them, and I know more of the story. I know what Jesus did and I know how it ends.   Forgive me God and thank you for your love, grace, mercy and patience.  He is bigger I am smaller.

Jump ahead many years..

We’ve all heard the story about the prodigal son multiple times I’m sure, as it is one of the more popular and for good reason. We’ve heard how the loving father is watching and waiting for his son to come to his senses and return home.  How he runs to meet and embrace his beloved son once he does, despite the fact that he really messed up. He calls him son. He doesn’t shame him or give him consequences. He is overjoyed and throws a big party.  What a lovely picture, the story of the unbeliever who chose the wrong path until he comes home and gets forgiven and gets his life together. The loving, forgiving father that we can always come home to.

But there is also that bit about the other brother who didn’t take it so well. It really wasn’t fair. He had never left and done anything so bad and yet the brother who did, got the big celebration. Of course he’d be a little ticked because what happened really wasn’t fair. Where is the justice in that? Those are normal human feelings.

Then recently another lens change - thanks to some people much smarter than I. Still keeping with the prodigal son story, but also the parable of the lost sheep. Who did the father go out and seek? Who was the one who was also lost? Who had the bad heart condition?  The brother who never left. The brother who was angry.

The prodigal brother chose to come home with a broken and contrite heart. He was humble and knew he deserved nothing. The brother who stayed felt he deserved more based on all he had done right. He wasn’t like his brother who had done everything wrong. It was about performance. Obedience. Pride. He knew right from wrong. Justice and fairness. But he didn’t see himself as a true heir and missed out on working along side the father in the father’s will and plan, because he was too busy doing it by the book.

 He didn’t know the father’s heart. He appeared to be the “good brother/Christian” on the outside. Ironically doing right for the father had become more important than knowing the Father’s heart and doing his will. He lost focus and that intimate relationship. He lost his humility and gratitude in the process.

Thank you Father that you seek the lost. Me. That you seek me when I am walking down the road of self righteousness. How many people (believers and non believers alike)  have I figuratively or literally written off or excluded from your table because they weren’t doing it right, like me? (for your sake of course ☹) I am still chewing on this one.

Father thank you once again for your love, grace, mercy and patience. Help me extend it more to others as I choose to receive it from you. Give me eyes to see my own log and a heart in line with yours.

More lens shift.  I am currently reading through a daily Lenten devotional. A few days ago it was about the Parable of the Workers of the Vineyard, where Jesus says the Kingdom of heaven is like a person who worked only one hour and getting paid exactly the same as a person who worked a full day,  from Matthew 20:1-16. Another familiar one that I have heard many times. But not like this.

“We call it unfair. But Jesus calls it the kingdom of heaven! The kingdom of heaven is not a meritocracy; the kingdom of heaven is an economy of grace. The vineyard owner (who obviously represents God) was more interested in giving people what they needed than giving them what they deserved – and he was willing to do so at his own expense. The only person who suffers loss is the vineyard owner. In this story no one is cheated. The anger of the group paid last was based not in any injustice they had suffered, but their own envious resentment. The group paid first simply received what they needed based solely on the extravagant generosity of the vineyard owner. The vineyard owner didn’t want any of his workers going hungry, no matter how long they had or had not worked. The parable of the workers in the vineyard is designed by Jesus to provoke the pharisaical ire of those who believe they deserve the love of God more than others. In this regard the parable of the laborers in the vineyard is a cousin to the more palatable parable of the prodigal son.

If we fear that someone we deem as less deserving than us will be made equal to us based on their need and God’s love, we’re still operating according to the economy outside of the kingdom of heaven. Or more tellingly, why do we tend to read ourselves into the story as laborers who worked all day? Why are we so convinced of our own deservedness? Isn’t it just as likely that in the sight of God we are those who only laboring one hour still need – not deserve, but need – a day’s wage? Ask yourself this question: Am I sustained by the law of just deserts or by the grace of God?”        - Brian Zahnd   The Unvarnished Jesus  A Lenten Journey.

  

This is worth repeating again. “why do we tend to read ourselves into the story as laborers who worked all day? Why are we so convinced of our own deservedness? Isn’t it just as likely that in the sight of God we are those who only laboring one hour still need – not deserve, but need – a day’s wage?”

I did this!!  Why did I always see myself as the laborer who worked all day?!  Mind blown!!  Big lens shift for me. I can't even get in focus yet. I'm still trying to get my balance.

  

So The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard

How I saw myself: The laborer who worked all day. Not only that, I also saw myself as not having issue with those who get paid the same for working less. After all the boss can do what he wants. His business. Not my business. I’m cool with that.

Reality: Sometimes I do have feelings in a situation where they get paid the same or more and treated well but don’t work as hard or as long. They get promotions and accolades but don’t pull their weight and I work harder or better.  They are getting the bigger house, new car, vacation, ministry opportunity, respected, blessed…and they aren’t even that nice, responsible, generous, or good with their money……fill in as many blanks as you can think of.

Truth: I am not the laborer who worked all day. There are not enough hours in a day for me to work off what I have been given. I have been paid far more than I could ever work off or I could ever deserve.

This feels like eye and heart surgery. How many lenses do I have out of whack? How disconnected is my heart? It is scary but I invite God in because he loves me and he is gentle with me despite the fact that I am often not gentle with myself or others.  I know I am in the hands of the Great Physician. The healing continues.