The Hard but Good and All The Firsts

It was 5 months ago today I lost my brother.  That first night of our vacation we were so excited about. That night. That phone call. That spine chilling gut wrenching phone call night.  He's gone. Gone? What does that mean?!  Passed away. Dead.
 Suddenly, unexpectedly gone.

The next morning was Canada Day and one of the main reasons why we were on vacation. Less than 24 hrs later. A full day of festivities planned with the grandkids.  How could Canada Day go on?  I know Paul would have wanted me to celebrate Canada Day as he was very patriotic and especially to enjoy my grandkids as he adored his own. But it should be cancelled. Couldn't we just stop a minute or at least press pause?  Don't they (all of Canada) know how wrong this is?!  Walking through crowds of people with my brain in a fog, I try to stay in the moment and grounded as I watch them sway to the band, cheer on the parade and joyfully play bean bag toss.  The bean bags fly through the air in slow motion. At …

Me and Wally. Faith + Family + Football

It's Saturday afternoon. I am chatting on the phone with my sister.  We are catching up and sharing our weekend plans with each other.  I start telling her that I am getting ready to go the the football game and what a big deal it is because Wally is retiring. I even made him a sign. I have never made a sign for an event before. Frankly I think people who do that are weird and nerdy. What have I become?  But it's Wally, and it's his last home game. The very least I can do. Suddenly I feel my throat start to close.  Now the tears are flowing. Why am I so emotional?   Could it be because my brother just passed away a few months ago and I am still feeling raw?  Maybe I'm overly sensitive? This is embarrassing! I am a sign making nerd and I am crying!

Then she says it. "It's because he reminds you of dad isn't it?  Yes, that is definitely part of it. I cannot see Wally Buono without thinking of my father. Ever.  (although Wally is much younger) It is something…

It's a Wonderful Life - I Want to Write Again!

It's a Wonderful Life - I Want to Live Again!

It has been a really rough summer. I almost deleted this blog and was ready to give up on the whole thing. I had no motivation or inspiration and didn't see the point. I am so glad I know better than to act on those types decisions when I am in a dark place. Perhaps I have more of a story to tell after all. 
September 29, 2018                                                         
The Summer Lost but Something Found On the very first day of my much anticipated week of vacation, at the very beginning of summer, my brother died.  Since that day I have been dealing with all that is grief. The many shapes and forms it takes on.  God got me through I know, but to be honest, I don’t really remember the rest of the summer. It is a blur, totally disconnected.  Until the last week of August.   Another much anticipated, very much needed, week of vacation. Looking forward to the visits with friends, the fun outings, the rest, and the day…

22 Days of Losing Paul

Week One: It is a very strange feeling. I know I will be ok, and I know that I have much love and support but life will never be the same again. There is this huge, bold mark on my timeline. The before, the after. I am not the same person. It is not my first big loss and grieving process, but it is the first loss of a sibling. I am not sure how to do this. I don't want to do this. I am still tumbling from the rug being pulled out, however people all around me are (as am I) going grocery shopping, banking, driving, working, planning....It's like in the movies when the scene is paused but some objects are still going by in slow motion. Surreal. I am so very grateful for the love and support of my husband, kids and grandkids and other siblings, family and friends. I treasure the evening just spent with Tommy, my sisters and brother in law, sharing in communion and prayer, laughing and crying and singing/worshipping together as we remember Paul and hold on to our lifeline, our Hea…

Who Am I

October 27, 1966 I was born (and mostly) raised in and around St-Eustache,Quebec.  A small, yet historically significant town north of Montreal.   If you click on the link, the famous church they are referring to is where I had my first communion and where we had my father's funeral. Our family burial plot is there. 
My Father was French Canadian Catholic.  My mother English Protestant. Let that sink in a moment. That is a whole other story on it’s own.

If you ever get a chance to watch the documentary Quebec My Country Mon Pays, please do. It is so well done!  That will show you the kind of environment I grew up in.  And some of the exact area too, much to my surprise when I watched it. Here is a link to the trailer   It is only 2 minutes long and really worth the watch.  The film itself really resonated with me.  I cried more than once watching it. The Revolution Tranquille and the FLQ crisis.  I remember being 4 yrs old and hiding under our ki…

The HIGHS and the lows of 2017

The HIGHS and the lows of 2017 - A tragic loss, a serious illness, a wedding, a new job and a move.  Another big year 

My latest blog post. It's not very poetic or creative in any way shape or form. Just wanted to get it done. So far behind with the crazy move and having no internet etc. Aplogies

January The year started off very intense.   Our granddaughters Cadence and Crystal’ s baby brother Keegan passed away suddenly when he was only a few weeks old.  Although I have experienced many hard losses over the years nothing prepared me for this one.  I never thought I would one day be walking down this road with those girls. They are too young to experience the loss of a sibling.  I am so grateful I got to hold him and cuddle with him. A gift I will always treasure. There are no words to describe the heartbreak and everything the family went through with such a devastating loss.   They are strong and amazing but please continue to keep this precious young family in your prayers.

It …

Thanks Facebook Memories..Totally forgot I wrote this in 2014

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
 I could hear Tommy snoring, he scared off that mouse! 
The gifts are all wrapped, the bags are all packed 
awaiting the morning, I best hit the sack.
 But first, before I lay down my head,
 I must light candles, read advent, eat cookies instead.
 I'll eat and I'll read, I'll ponder and pray.
 Jump out of bed in the morn and we'll be on our way! 
Through snow covered mountains, a possible avalanche or two, 
we'll do it for family - heck wouldn't you?! 
To see grandkids and kids, family, friends, and their brother. 
Oh the anticipation, my heart is aflutter. 
I'll end on this note, I wouldn't wish you much love 
and the best Christmas yet! 

God Bless us everyone!

Thankfully did not get stuck in an avalanche but we did drive through a Winter Wonderland