Seek 2020



I have been so excited about 2020. A new year and new beginnings. Another chance.
Back in the fall I really felt that my word for the year would be SEEK.  I want to be intentional with my seeking. I want to Seek God more, connect with family more and go deeper in those relationships. I also want to seek connection within my community and in my family ancestry. I have some projects on the go. I am on an internal quest that I know will have external and eternal benefits. It has already begun.










So much around this word SEEK has evolved since then.  I am getting a bit of a late start in posting but I hope to be able to process and sort it all out in a way that I can even write more about it.









When I was pondering my word in the fall and what that would look like for me I also saw this

These words stuck with me and I knew I would have to look at some of these things and make some decisions.  This is the painful part. The uncomfortable part. It is tempting to not look at these things. Some things can and should be let go of but I believe that depending on the situations some take more than "just letting it go".  There needs to be healing and getting through the other side or we risk having it pop up again and again, being triggered and or weighed down by these past issues that we thought we let go of. We continue to hurt ourselves and others when we don't deal with our stuff. For me there are a few things I have to look at that I don't want to bring with me into 2020.  I have a particular person in my life that I feel is really not safe for me (emotionally), some challenging dynamics and circumstances, some areas where I feel like a failure (big time) and when I focus on that I can give in to hopelessness, fear and anxiety.  I have been blocking some of my pain and grief because I am too afraid or overwhelmed to deal with so many losses.  Just to name a few things. I can't just let these big ones go so I am intentionally processing and making changes. I am even seeing a counselor to help with this. I am SEEKING help. In a short time I see and feel a difference already. 





 I mentioned that I have some projects on the go.  I didn't make new years resolutions but I did think about some goals I have and set out to make them happen. These goals align with my seeking and connecting.  I do hope to go into more detail as they happen.  I have planned a special get away with each one of my children individually. I have never done that before.  My heart is so happy and I am really looking forward to it! Who knows, if it goes well maybe it can become an annual tradition.  I have also booked a weekend family reunion for this summer.  I and others have talked about it for years but this year it's actually going to happen!  Another thing I am really looking forward to.

After my brother died I found it very hard to read and to write.  2 of my favourite things to do. I know it can be a natural part of the grieving process and I had to allow myself time but I wasn't sure if I ever could again. It was scary.  I dared have it be one of my goals for this year.
 It's happening! With God's help, my being intentional and working things through etc..it has begun. I am so very grateful.
I truly believe this!  I may have been surprised at times
but I have never been abandoned





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